Chris Linzey

July 14, 2013July 12, 2016

Reflections on Racism From a Mixed-Race Couple

In the still-festering mess of the Ferguson ordeal, I thought it was appropriate to bring back a post we wrote after the Zimmerman ordeal not too long ago…

You have to live under a rock to have missed the verdict from the George Zimmerman trial.

This post is NOT about the trial or the verdict, but about an issue that this debacle brought up: racial profiling. While I am not an expert on race relations or sociology, I am a white man who is married to a black woman, and we tend to take issues concerning race relations personally. For that reason, I’ve asked my wife to co-author this post with me. We do understand that this is a volatile issue and want to be sensitive, but race needs to be talked about.

We still live in a racist nation. Skin color and ethnic background play a huge role in personal identity and separating ourselves from others who are different. Just take a quick look at some Twitter posts or the comments section under news articles about the Zimmerman verdict and you will see an overwhelming number of hateful remarks towards people with different ethnicities. There is racism on both sides – it’s not a one-way street.

We have experienced American racism ourselves. While visiting family in Salt Lake City, Utah (a predominantly white area), we went out to the mall. We drew stares and odd looks from people while walking in public holding hands. It was palpable. At one point we passed another mixed race couple (a black man and white woman). We made eye contact and there was a nod of greeting and a look that passed between us of understanding, of solidarity. as if to say, “We understand.”

While the Bible calls us to live in harmony and that, in Christ Jesus, all old ethnic markers don’t matter, we have yet to really live as though there is no longer Jew or Gentile, Black or White, Latino or Asian. We hold to our ethnic identity more than we do our spiritual identity.

And so we’ll hit our theme: Racial Profiling

Chris:

Profiling is a normal part of how the human brain works to process and interpret information. This is not just about race but is true in other areas of life. When we see something or someone our brain compares it to past examples or experiences and then classifies that new thing or person based on what is already up in the old noodle. OF COURSE we are more than the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the way we smell or the way sound. But we are sensory people and someone’s experience of me is going to be based on their senses and the memories connected to those senses.

Is it right to judge someone in this way? No, it is not. But it’s a trait common to humanity. Seeing someone in skinny jeans messy hair carries associations in my head. The same with seeing someone in a coat and tie. People have made an issue out of Zimmerman profiling Martin because of his skin color and clothing. Even if subconscious, I think Zimmerman would have seen Martin and made certain associations based on appearance. Hear me out – I don’t think that profiling is a valid excuse for treating people poorly, but it helps us understand that we’re all in the same boat.

A real-life example: listen to black comedians imitate white people. They frequently use a nasal tone when impersonating whites. Do all whites sound like that? No, we don’t, but there are mental associations based on sensory memory. The problem is when we allow sensory memory to influence how well or how poorly we treat others. Then we’re judging the book by its cover and never really opening the book to see what it has to say.

It’s hard because it’s normal, but racism will never die as long as we are permitting our senses to dictate who and what a person is like before actually experiencing what a person is like.

Tené:

FACT: Simply because of the shade of my skin in some situations I am considered a less valuable/trustworthy customer, colleague, group member, participant, professional, driver…. I am treated differently. I look different, so I am labeled as “other than” and frequently for people of color that label silently morphs into “less than.” This less worthy mentality allows us to value people differently.

I am reminded of the recent deluge of racist tweets over the Hunger Games movie when a fan of the books admitted that they were less sad about a character’s death and did not want to see the movie once they learned that a beloved character did not, in fact, have blond hair and blue eyes but had “dark-brown” skin (she was a person of color).

And so, after all these years, we are still here. A persons’ value, and the value of his life, is determined by the amount brownness in their skin. What is really shocking is that, although fans had gotten to know her as and love her as a character, those feelings quickly turned to disgust when her skin tone was changed on them. If people can turn on a beloved fictional character at the drop of a hat I wonder about how horribly people with this mindset could treat someone that they do not know or care about? That doesn’t even take into account hair, dress, manner of speaking, gait, etc….

Sure, all of us project an image, but that image should never prevent us from being treated without decency, common courtesy, and (dare I even say it)…respect. The question for us as Christians should not be “What are others projecting?” but “Who are we reflecting?” Is Jesus seen in how we treat others? A person’s clothing, skin, smell, or other appearance should not matter to me as much as faith that we share.

Back to Chris:

Unfortunately we live in a world where we look at appearances and make judgments long before we get to know people. It’s part of how we’re wired. Even my wife buys into it (without realizing it) and tells me I need to shave before church events because the clean-shaven look projects a different image than a scruffy pastor!

IN DEALING WITH OURSELVES: On a practical level, then, we do project an image – an idea – of ourselves to people long before people actually get to know us. I’m not saying that you should care about what other people think, but I do believe that we ought to think about what we want to say about ourselves through sensory experiences. What does my dress communicate about me? How about my scent? What about shaving or being scruffy? It is not important to who I AM, but these things do interact with other people’s sensory memory.

IN DEALING WITH OTHERS: On a practical level, keep in mind that what you see with people is not necessarily what you get. We are complex human beings, far more complicated than a rash judgment can accommodate. Trayvon Martin was more than a black man in a hoodie, and reducing him to that does injustice to the complexity of life. Conversely, George Zimmerman is more complicated than the man many are portraying him to be. Life is not so simple.

The country is fighting racism that goes a long way back. Things probably won’t change until Jesus comes back. But we can all do our part to make it a better place.

Don’t settle for cookie-cutter answers and snap judgments.

What do you think? Please feel free to engage in debate from either side. I do ask that you keep it civil and polite no matter how heated you may feel….

Follow @chrislinzey

July 13, 2013May 26, 2014

Why This Soldier Will Never Shoot

I’m a Soldier in the United States Army Reserve. More specifically, I’m a Chaplain (Captain). What a lot of people don’t know about Chaplains is that we are classified as “non-combatants”. That means I’m not a war-fighter. I would be more like a combat-multiplier. I take care of Soldiers so that Soldiers can take care of the Nation.

But my non-combatant status goes beyond warfare. There is a policy from the Chief of Chaplains (the top dog of Chaplains) instructing Chaplains that, as Chaplains, we are not to be firing weapons even in training situations. that was a real bummer for today.

I was at the weapons range with the Battalion Staff. They were qualifying on the rifle and on the sidearm. At one point, the Detachment Commander came over and told me, “Chaplain, if you want to shoot we have the extra ammo and weapon for you” (he did not know about the Chief of Chaplain’s policy). Man, what an offer! I mean, really, who would have known if I had done it? I’m just a junior Chaplain in one Battalion in the whole Army (which has thousands of Chaplains).

But I didn’t shoot. I kindly thanked him and explained the policy and said that I would love to shoot but won’t do it on duty (there is no prohibition from owning or firing weapons for Chaplains when not on duty).

Let me explain why I didn’t shoot:

1) You never know who is watching. These days it seems like everyone has a smartphone with a camera. I can just see someone pulling out a camera to take a picture of the Chaplain “shooting with the troops.” Then the picture would wind up on Facebook and, before you know it, I’m getting a call from a senior Chaplain asking what on earth I was thinking. Aye, carumba.

Once I was walking through Wal-Mart doing some regular grocery shopping when I saw a church member. She was at the end of her aisle picking up a case of beer to put into her cart. I approached her and said hello in a very friendly way. She became flustered and quickly started to explain to me that she was merely buying the beer for her husband and not for herself. She was so embarrassed to be seen by her pastor. You never know when people will see your public behavior!

**SIDE NOTE**

The Bible does not say that buying or drinking alcohol is a sin – just that drunkenness is a sin. I told this dear lady that it didn’t matter to me if she was buying the beer for her husband or herself. It didn’t change what I thought of her or how I would treat her. Back to the topic….

2) Our behavior has consequences that might not be apparent immediately to us. Imagine if I had decided to shoot and some Soldiers who DID know about the policy prohibiting Chaplains from shooting saw me willfully act against the policy. In an instant I would lose credibility as a Chaplain and leader. The one who is supposed to be a spiritual leader breaks rules whenever it pleases him? And when ministers lose credibility it adversely affects our ability to reach people. You might not see how your behavior influences others, but people see what you do. Live in such a way to build credibility – not destroy it.

3) Even if nobody had EVER seen me break policy (which I haven’t, remember), God would have known. I know, I know – it’s almost trite and cliché to say, “God sees you.” But it’s true.

I don’t say that in an attempt to put guilt or fear into people. It is a positive thing. In the Old Testament when Hagar is going through a real rough spot in life she cries out to God asking for deliverance and says, You are the God who sees me.” He sees and he cares. It is a wonderful thing that God sees us and cares for us. But it is a fearful thing because nothing is hidden from him.

There’s a children’s song I learned a long time ago that says, “Be careful little feet where you go. Oh be careful little feet where you go. For the Father up above is looking down with love so be careful little feet where you go.” At some point God will judge the living and the dead and all of our actions will be accounted for. He knows what we do, it doesn’t matter if we take our secrets to the grave.

So I will never shoot a weapon as a Soldier. I’m okay with that. It’s part of being a member of the organization and following orders. I will never willfully disobey lawful orders. It would damage my credibility and my potential to minister to Soldiers.

As Christians let us remember that our behavior matters. People see us. And, even if they don’t, God does. One day we will be held accountable.

How about you? Ever been “caught” doing something when you thought no one was looking?

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July 12, 2013July 12, 2013

Robin Hood Lives: Taking Care Of Others

Did you see this?

It seems that there is a real life Robin Hood roaming the streets of Jackson, Mississippi. He robs from the city to give back to the citizens. Well, he doesn’t say it’s “robbing”, per se. He takes city asphalt and goes around town repairing potholes that the city has been slow to repair. Now the authorities are trying to decide if there has been a criminal act involved.

I’m not going to judge his actions as righteous or villainous, but I do think that his behavior illustrates a biblical point:

People are supposed to be proactive in helping others.

Seems really simple, really. God has called us to be a force of good in the world. Not just hypothetical good. Not just pleasant people to be around. God has called us to proactively help others with whom we come into contact. It seems that most of the western world (even atheists, pagans, and all other religions combined) is familiar with the “Golden Rule.” Even people who do not know the origin of the rule can still recite it (in essence, at any rate).

The writers of the New Testament continued the theme of serving the needs of humanity. James writes that it’s completely worthless to see someone in need and merely say, “Go in peace, be warm and filled,” but never lift a finger to help meet their needs. John’s first letter makes a similar point that love requires more than words – love must be backed by action.

It is much too easy to tell people that we care about them without any amount of follow-through. Sometimes our culture seems to promote this. We ask each other how things are going without any real concern for the answer to come. What would we do if people answered, “I’m really struggling today because I’m dealing with….” Would we step up and see how we could bring assistance? Or would we feel awkward and uncomfortable with the idea that the other has broached conversational etiquette by demanding that we care? It is a trap that many of us – even the best intentioned – fall into from time to time. So this isn’t about saying, “Shame on us!” It’s really about saying, “See how far we’ve come from existing in communities of people who stick up for each other, care for each other, and seek the physical well-being and wholeness of our brother and sister.”

So here’s a challenge: the next time you ask someone how they are doing pause and REALLY listen to the answer. If they don’t want to become vulnerable that’s okay – don’t push it. But if people actually do open up to you and you see the needs of others don’t feel awkward. Ask yourself how you can be a resource to bring relief to a troubled person.

So what about our modern day Robin Hood? Who knows. He might be prosecuted. He might be given a warning not to do it again. Whatever the outcome of his particular case I commend people who step up, take initiative, and try to solve problems rather than merely bemoan the troubles.

Step up. Be a problem solver. Show your love and care for humanity by working to make things better. You’ll never know how you might bless someone else.

How about you? Have you been the recipient of a Robin Hood or a caring person? Care to share about it?

July 10, 2013December 3, 2013

Why You Need to Leave the President Alone

I saw an interesting “news” article today. President Obama likes broccoli. I knew there was something up with that guy. I mean, who admits that his favorite food is broccoli?!? Icecream, sure. Lasagna, I can go with that. Nachos Supreme, definitely. But broccoli? C’mon!

Actually, like many of you, I don’t consider this to be newsworthy. Not.at.all. But there it was on my homepage – daring me to click the link and find out why there is any hoopla about the president and his veggies. It seems that there’s a little waffling when it comes to his food choices (I’m killing myself here – I hope you appreciate puns as much as I do). The president has mentioned how great pizza night is in the West Wing. Now he’s trying to push broccoli just because he’s at a healthy eating event? How DARE he (how many exclamation points and question marks do I need to adequately express outrage in print?)?!?!?

Hang with me here…I’m stretching…but nope, still not news worthy. And yet…sigh…it’s on the news, all over Twitter, and who knows where else. Which brings me to today’s point: it’s time to leave the President alone.

Obviously I’m gearing this towards anti-Obama-ites (is that a thing?). But bear with me. I’m writing as a registered Republican who really wanted Mike Huckabee to be POTUS. I’m not what you would call an Obama supporter. I disagree with some of his major points of view.

But here’s the thing – I’m sick and tired of the vitriol being spewed from those who oppose him. Republicans, Tea Party Hooligans, Independents, Right Wing Democrats, whoever…. The man gets a lot of hate pushed his way from radio, television, Twitter, Facebook, and every corner where you might find an angry conservative.

Stop it.

Stop sharing the memes denigrating him, his ethnicity, his policies, and everything else. It’s not Christian. There, I said it. It isn’t godly to keep the insults and put-downs going around.

The Bible tells us that we are to be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor or to governors. No, I’m not calling the President an emperor, so stop with the accusations of empire and dictatorship. The principle from the Bible is that Christians are good people who submit to authorities over us and treat people with honor and respect. That even applies to national leaders that we may dislike or disagree with.

I’m not asking to agree with his policies. I don’t. Our national government has given us a proper outlet for voicing opposition through the ballot box, petitions, and other lawful means to let our dissent be heard. Personal attacks are not part of God’s agenda for healthy Christian behavior.

So please, no more anti-Obama memes. No more name-calling. No more hateful ranting. If you consider yourself to be a person of faith it is time to knock it off. And don’t worry – the next time there is a conservative person in office I’ll be telling the Left Wing folks the same thing.

What do you think? Have you seen anti-government sentiment go too far? Where do you think Christians should draw the line?

July 9, 2013December 30, 2014

8 Things Every Husband Needs to Do

If you’ve read any of my blogs about marriage and relationships you will know that I believe the Bible calls us to live in mutually submissive and mutually controlling relationships. I am not my own, but I belong to my wife. She belongs to me. I need to submit to my wife’s needs, wants, and desires. She needs to submit to mine. I believe the God calls us to this kind of mutuality. Understanding that groundwork, some of my posts on marriage and relationships will cover biblical principles without expressly quoting the Bible chapter and verse. Like today’s post.

In the 9-week marriage class I teach we split the men and women into gender breakout groups to discuss questions and issues. In one session I asked the women to identify 8 things their husbands do that they greatly appreciate. Here is there list:

He pitches in around the house and with the kids – it seems that women don’t want to be the only caregiver and maid in the house. Men, this is our chance to step up and take ownership of the household. Stop passing the buck and figure out how you can be an active participant in running the family. One good method is to list out every task common to households (there are probably about 30-40 regular tasks) and split them up. Volunteer and say, “These 15 that you are already doing I will take off your hands.”
He takes good care of me when I am sick – it is a great feeling to be cared for when you are under the weather. And let’s face it: women tend to be better care-givers than men. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Next time your woman is sick don’t complain about how you have to pick up the slack. Force her to go lie down and volunteer to make dinner, bathe the kids, read bedtime stories, and whatever else she normally does ALL THE TIME anyway.
He takes care of the kids without complaining – whether you fathered them or are a blended family, BE A FATHER to the kids in the house.
He asks what I need to be content and happy – I’ve heard it jokingly said that “Happy wife = Happy life” but IT’S TRUE! Your life will never be happier as when your spouse is happy. Care for her. Nurture her. Find out what her happiness requires and then pursue it diligently. When she knows that you care about her happiness it frees her to think about yours (you both win!).
He helps me with my job/career – your wife has dreams, ambitions, and goals in her life. Don’t think that she’s a bump on a log. Assist (as much as you are able) in helping her realize success in her career.
He does things without me having to ask him to – seriously, take initiative. She doesn’t want to be your momma. She wants to be your partner.
He helps get the kids off to school – SEE NUMBER 3
He has a good sense of humor – Everyone loves to laugh. We bond with people over laughter. If you and your wife find ways to laugh together it will help cement your relationship.

Well, there you have it. It’s what our class came up with. You want a healthy and happy marriage? Put in the work to make it that way.

How about you? What else would you add to this list?

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July 8, 2013July 8, 2013

That Voodoo that You Do: Getting Control of Your World

I had an interesting conversation today. Actually, it was a ministry first. Someone asked me if it was okay for Christians to engage in Voodoo if it was for good results. It was an ethics question: say a child is sick and medical avenues courses have been exhausted but a local voodoo practitioner claims he can heal the child. Can the Christian employ voodoo for the sake of healing (and thus doing good)?

I was taken aback by the questions because I simply assumed (naively?) that the answer to such a question was a no-brainer. Apparently it isn’t and still needs to be addressed in some areas, so here’s why I think the Christian should not use voodoo, magic, or any other type of art even for the sake of performing good.

First, the Bible flat out tells us to avoid pagan practices like sorcery, divination, etc. This isn’t even one of those passages that is open to the “context” debate, meant for one time and place but not meant for all time and all people. No – this seems to be one of those verses that God intended to hold for eternity.

Second, using sorcery and voodoo is an attempt to manipulate the world through supernatural means. It removes God from the driver’s seat and tries to force our will upon people, life, and circumstances. The Bible is clear that God is God and we are not. It is not our place to try to manipulate the supernatural for our own desires. It demonstrates an inability to trust God and yield to him. It says, “I’m in charge and this is what I want so I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make it happen.” Such an attitude is not the attitude of a believer.

Two examples come to mind. The first is Jesus. He knew the course that was set before him. He knew his path led to death. And in normal human fashion he was looking for a way out. He repeatedly prayed, asking God to change the path and find a different way so that he didn’t have to go to death. But his ultimate conclusion was this: Not my will but yours be done. It didn’t matter what Jesus wanted because his only aim was that the will of the Father was accomplished.

The second example is Paul. Paul had something he referred to as his “thorn in the flesh.” We’re not quite sure what that thorn was but people who are smarter than I am speculate that it could have been some sort of vision or eye problem (he references having to write in large letters in one of his letters). Paul tells that he repeatedly asked God to remove this problem from his life. God’s ultimate answer was, “No.” Actually – it wasn’t just no. It was, “You don’t need to worry about it because my grace is sufficient for you.”

If we take the object of our faith (Jesus) and the premier preacher of the faith (Paul) as examples, we should be content to pursue every natural means possible to alter health and wellness. We simultaneously pursue prayer until our knees ache and our hearts are ready to burst. But in the end it is God’s call, not ours. We should not attempt to circumvent God and wrest control into our own hands, and that’s all that voodoo and witchcraft do.

Third, the philosophical argument put to me today was essentially that “the ends justify the means.” I do not believe that to be a viable philosophy. While some ends are worthy, there are some means that are simply wrong – no question about it. This philosophy has been the excuse for many atrocities against people. It doesn’t matter who we hurt as long as we’re moving towards the desired goal. Bogus. People matter, and we cannot walk over people simply to achieve positive results. Now move that principle into this blog’s question. If the ends do NOT justify the means then, even if we have good intentions, we cannot act contrary to God – even if we believe we’re doing good.

In the end it comes down to faith that God is God and sees what we can’t. Are we willing to yield to him and to his will? Will we surrender control of our own lives or are we willing to do whatever it takes to force our own results?

What do you think? Do the ends justify the means? Where do we stop in our pursuit of “good”?

July 6, 2013May 13, 2014

We Asked Women What They Wanted From Marriage Counseling…

In the past I wrote about the 9-week marriage class I lead at our church and the breakout group questions. Once we had the men came up with their top 3 fears about being part of the class or participating in marriage counseling. It was a good question for them because EVERY SINGLE ONE of them had been brought to the class by his wife. Clearly it was important to the women.

So we asked the women: what are your top 3 hopes or desires from attending a marriage class?

Any guess as to what they said?

~ We hope this class helps us improve marital communication. This is the perennial issue in marriages. Everyone wants to communicate better. Everyone wants to communicate more. Our society has perpetuated the myth that talking more equals a stronger relationship. It’s simply not true. If a husband and a wife talk more and more yet the way they talk to each other is demeaning and belittling then the communication is going to damage the relationship – not improve it. So we don’t want more communication. We want BETTER communication.

When it comes to communication and prayer even Jesus wants better instead of more. Don’t babble on and on. Instead, simply talk to God in a natural way. Praise him. Thank him. Tell him what you need. Seek his will. Badda bing, badda boom.

Kinda makes all guys feel good to hear Jesus say, “Better, not more.” I’ve heard people give statistics about women needing to speak 20,000 words a day and men only 10,000 (I don’t remember the exact number, but it was ridiculously lopsided). I’m not so sure that’s a valid stat. Men, if we did our part to make communication BETTER then women wouldn’t have to try to compensate with MORE. As couples, let’s take steps to improve the quality of marital communication.

~ We hope this class helps us resolve conflict better. Resolving conflict is a two way street. Fortunately, it’s something we CAN get better at through practice and hard work. I always begin conflict resolution by looking at what Jesus said. If someone wrongs you, take it privately to the person and talk it out calmly. If the other person repents, then bring in a neutral party who can help evaluate. Then if it still doesn’t resolve escalate by adding others.

While Jesus’ words are not specifically geared towards married couples there is a principle we can learn. When we are hurt by someone the best course of action is to handle it personally and calmly with the person face to face. The goal is not to make the other person feel bad. The goal is always to restore relationship and repair the bond between people. This is especially important in marriages. Rather than talking to your buddies or girlfriends about what your spouse did; instead of taking it out on her or mistreating him, approach your partner calmly and lovingly to discuss the offense. Remember that the goal is always restoration and relationship repair. If we could learn to do this then our conflict resolution would be a lot healthier!

~ We hope this class helps strengthen the marriage bond. I hope and pray that this is a goal for all married couples no matter how long you’ve been married. There is always room to grow; always room to improve. Marriage cannot be passive. Things don’t get good by chance. It requires hard work to make relationships flourish. Keep at it. Make communication better. Make conflict resolution better. Read books. Seek a good pastor or counselor. But keep working at it.

God designed us to thrive in relationships – particularly the intimacy of the marriage relationship. Fight for it. Hold on to it. Work at it however you can. Men, last time I told the women that it was their job to help alleviate our fears of marriage counseling. Now it’s our turn. It is our job to help make their hopes a reality. You cannot sit on your butt and hope your marriage turns out ok. As a husband you need to do your part to improve communication and conflict resolution. Don’t settle for “okay” – work for THRIVING!

Ladies, how about you? What else would you hope to get out of marriage counseling or a marriage class?

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July 5, 2013July 5, 2013

Top 3 Fears Men Have About Marriage Counseling

I teach a 9-week class designed to give couples some tools and resources for strengthening their relationship and to grow closer together. At the beginning of each week I have the men and women split into breakout groups to discuss questions from their gender’s point of view. In the very first class of the last cycle I asked the men’s breakout group to identify their top 3 fears about being part of a marriage class or marriage counseling.

Can you guess what they came up with?

~ I’m afraid that this will bring up even MORE issues between us. Yup, that’s the number one fear my guys had. They were willing to admit that tensions and issues already existed in their marriages. The fear was that intentionally working on the marriage would reveal additional issues.

What would you tell them? I told them that there was a very real possibility that working on a relationship would bring up additional issues. Knowing that more issues might arise is not a reason to avoid counseling or a marriage class. In fact – it’s a good reason to START counseling or attending a class! Every relationship has issues – things to work through. It is better to find a way to address those issues rather than let them fester. Eventually festering problems cause horrible sickness and require amputation. Not a pretty sight.

Man up. Yes, there will be tensions and issues in your relationship. Don’t run from them. Deal with them appropriately.

~ I’m afraid that we’ll realize that we’re not really compatible. As long as they keep their heads in the sand a lot of guys figure that they’ll be able to keep on truckin’ in the marriage. I was lucky enough to snag her, now I just gotta keep a low profile and pretend that everything is okay. She’ll never know we’re not compatible if we simply never work on the marriage.

I’m not sure but I think a lot of this fear stems from the fear of loneliness. We so often desire to be part of an intimate relationship that we alter behavior, change our appearance, or do all sorts of other zany things to attract and woo a partner. If she finds out the real me, if we’re forced to talk and be open, maybe she will not really be compatible with me and we’ll split up.

Here are two things to remember: 1) there are lots of different types of compatibility, just ask EHarmony. While some happily married couples are compatible in areas X, Y, and Z, others might not be and instead are compatible in areas A, B, and C. This leads to number 2) You HAVE to be compatible in some way, shape, or form or you never would have become a couple in the first place. Quit focusing on the negative and start to emphasize the positive that already exists.

~ I’m afraid that I’ll have to talk about my feelings and emotions. As much of a stereotype as that is, it was the men in the class that said it about themselves. Seems men realize that women are much more naturally suited for talking…and talking…and talking about emotions. The fear was that they would be forced to do it as well.

Unfortunately this one is true. You cannot build a relationship without connecting to your spouse on a deeper level. There will be some elements of your emotions and feelings that will need to be discussed. It doesn’t mean you have to turn into a Chatty Cathy (I’m apologize to everyone named Cathy. It’s nothing personal, just the expression). It does mean that you will need to practice expressing what you think and feel.

God reveals to us through the Bible that the marriage relationship is built on mutuality. Husband and wife mutually control the other. They mutually submit to the other. They mutually respect each other. It’s not about one person who dominates and one who yields.

So, women, as a partner you need to do everything within your power to help alleviate these fears that we men have. When issues come up we need to know that you will help address the issue in a calm and loving way (no berating, belittling, or combative maneuvers please). We need you to reaffirm the connection and compatibility between us. And we need you to be sensitive to our insensitivity – the fact that many of us HATE sharing our emotions and feelings.

Married couples can work together to build strong relationships. Men, we will have to overcome our fears. Women, you will have to lovingly work with us to overcome our fears. But together we can do it.

How about you? What fears do you have about getting into relationship counseling or a class?

July 4, 2013June 30, 2014

Revolutionary Faith: Why the American War for Independence was Unbiblical

Image courtesy of Michael Elliott at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Let me begin this post the same way I begin any conversation I have where I talk about a Christian response to Independence Day and the American Revolution:

I am a Chaplain (Captain) in the United Stated Army Reserve. My two younger brothers are both Active Duty U.S. Army. My father was in the Army. My grandfather was Active Duty Navy, was enlisted and sunk at Midway, finished seminary and went BACK into the Navy as a Chaplain. I have several uncles and cousins that have been part of the military. Clearly, then, I support the military and believe that a military, like a police force, is a necessary part of society. I do believe in Just War Theory. I don’t speak for the Army or for the government, but I want you to get where I’m coming from.

Now – to the point of the post: I believe that the American War for Independence was unbiblical and should not have taken place from a Christian point of view. No, I’m not crazy. I’m not some left-wing nut. I’m actually fairly conservative and (totally honesty here) am a registered Republican. But I whole-heartedly believe that the Bible is supposed to be our guide for what we believe and how we behave, and I believe that the New Testament would tell us that The Revolutionary War was wrong.

Looking at the New Testament book of 1 Peter will explain where I’m coming from:

1 Peter 2:11-17 ~ ¹¹Dear friends, I urge you as strangers and temporary residents to abstain from fleshly desires that war against you.¹²Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that in a case where they speak against you as those who do what is evil, they will, by observing your good works, glorify God on the day of visitation.¹³Submit to every human authority because of the Lord, whether to the Emperor as the supreme authority ¹⁴or to governors as those sent out by him to punish those who do what is evil and to praise those who do what is good. ¹⁵For it is God’s will that you silence the ignorance of foolish people by doing good. ¹⁶As God’s slaves, live as free people, but don’t use your freedom as a way to conceal evil. ¹⁷Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the Emperor.

First, Peter calls us strangers and temporary residents. Some Bible versions use the word “aliens” to describe his audience. No, not the little green men, but people who are foreigners. His primary audience were Jews of the Dispersion. They had been scattered from their homeland and lived abroad in “Gentile” territories. They were literally foreigners. He calls them to live exemplary lives among the non-believers so that even the non-believers will end up giving glory to God.

While we might be naturally born citizens in America but we find ourselves in a country that is more and more turning its back on the ideals and belief systems of Judeo-Christianity. We are fast becoming the minority. We need to remember that, no matter where our home or citizenship lie, our ultimate home is heaven. We too often forget our heavenly citizenship and cling to our earthly citizenship.

There’s a band called Building 429 with a song that says:

All I know is I’m not home yet. This is not where I belong
Take this world but give me Jesus. This is not where I belong.

That’s the attitude early Christians had. The longer we stay here the more we forget that we don’t belong here on earth – we’re passing through.

Second, Peter flat out says that Christians are to obey human institutions from the Emperor on down to local governors. That pretty much says it all right there. Extend Peter’s principle through history and imagine that he is writing to Colonials, separated from their homeland in Britain. “Submit to every human institution because of the Lord, whether to the King as the supreme authority or to local magistrates….” Boom! End of revolution.

The Christian principle and ideal in the Bible is one of submission and appropriate behavior. There is no exception clause for open rebellion. Rebellion is contrary to the Spirit of God.

I will admit that changing our understanding does not change history. We are where we are. What I would like to see changed is the American predisposition to believe that we are righteously called to be God’s people in this land. We are not.

Our nation was not founded on God. Our nation was founded on the Constitution of the United States of America (which, yes, does have some Christian principles in it). Ancient Israel, with its covenant and Torah, was founded on God (Yahweh). America – not so much. Here our country singers sing that “We’ll put a boot up your @$$” and claim that it’s “The American Way.” Shame on us for confusing America with Christianity.

It’s time to accept that Yahweh is the God of all nations, not just America. So please, Christians, stop chanting: “USA! USA! USA!” as though we have special divine favor. Please stop asking God to specially bless our country as though we are his special nation and are better than other nations. Stop reveling in rebellion and mourn the fact that so many Christians are caught up in the national cult of patriotism and worship at the throne of Uncle Sam when we ought to be putting our emphasis on our citizenship in heaven and worshipping at the throne of the Almighty.

So, it’s the 4^th of July. The day when Americans tossed the Bible aside and said, “It’s more important to us to have freedom from the economic constraints of England than it is to follow the biblical model of submitting.

Because that’s what Jesus would have done. He would have fought tooth and nail for his freedom and liberty. He would have demolished the opponent and then celebrated every year.

Oh, wait. He didn’t, did he? He submitted – even unto death.

May God forgive our arrogance and disobedience….

**Note – I fully expect 90% of Americans to disagree with me. That’s okay. If you’d like to participate in civil conversation I really do welcome it.

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July 3, 2013July 3, 2016

Patriotism Vs. Faith

I’m a patriot. I have taken an oath to protect the United States from enemies both foreign and domestic. I’m a Chaplain. I’ve served as an officer in the United States Army Reserve and now on Active Duty in the Navy. I work with Sailors, Marines, Soldiers and their Families. I’ve performed weddings for service members. I’ve performed funerals for service members. I conduct worship services, preach, and give the Eucharist to Soldiers.

Even though I serve in uniform, I have some funny ideas about God and country. Let me tell you three things I believe are important for Christians to know this 4^th of July.

First: I believe that there must be a distinction between patriotism and faith. I believe that there are too many Christians who feel that there is a connection between God and country. Years ago I heard a song whose refrain said:

I believe in God and country – in the good ol’ USA
I believe in God and country – God and country all the way!

I heard it in a church worship service. I take issue with that. Who are supposed to be exalting God, not the nation. When I was a civilian pastor I recognized patriotic holidays and events on Sunday mornings. I’ve even done it in uniform. But when we do so our patriotic element is at the very beginning of the morning and not part of the worship service proper. Once we launch into worship the focus is on God, not the nation.

I caused quite a brouhaha some years back for some patriotic holiday when I told the worship leader that I didn’t want us to be singing any patriotic songs during the service. I had planned a tribute video to service members that we would play before the service but didn’t want anything in worship to be nation-focused. He became quite agitated and told me:

“By you telling me we are in a way not allowed to sing patriotic songs on Sunday, following Veteran’s Day is offensive to me. I feel we need to sing ‘God Bless America’ following the offering and pay tribute to our great nation and those that served in our military.”

He was offended because I wanted to focus on Jesus and didn’t want to “pay tribute” to “our great nation.” I found it ironic that he wanted to pay tribute to America right after we took the offering. Jesus saying, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s” kept going through my head. Too many churches have lost the distinction between faith and patriotism and blend the two into some weird national cult.

Let me remind you that I am a Chaplain United Stated Armed Forces. I believe in honoring and doing right by our Service Members. But as a Christian I know that my patriotism is not my faith. Should the day ever come when I’m forced to decide between God and country it should be no choice – God wins every time.

Second: America in the 21^st Century is not Israel of the Old Testament. It is bad theology and biblical interpretation when we take revelation God gave to Israel and appropriate it to our own society.

Case in point: one of American Christians’ favorite verses to quote is 2 Chronicles 7:13-14 ~

If I close the sky so there is no rain, or if I command the grasshopper to consume the land, or if I send pestilence on My people, and My people who are called by My name humble themselves, pray and seek My face, and turn from their evil ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land.

Evangelicals CLAIM that verse, baby! We use it to call America back to prayer. But the thing is – the verse is not about us. It clearly says “My People who are called by My name.” That was Israel, the theocratic nation that received the promised land from God. Land and blessing were part of the original covenant between God and the people. They lost the land after they turned their backs on God. The people were conquered and dispersed to Babylon and other areas.

American is not the land of promise. We are not God’s “chosen people.” There is no promise of restoration of the land if we turn back to God. There is a general principle present about the need to seek God and turn away from evil and pursue righteousness, but the promise in the Old Testament is not our promise.

America will never fulfill that passage of the Bible because it’s not for us. We have never been a theocratic nation. We are a nation founded upon biblical principles, but we are not a Christian nation.

Third: Overemphasizing patriotism and national pride undermines the principle that God is the God of ALL nations. The God of American Christians is the God of French Christians and the God of Russian Christians and the God of Pakistani Christians and…you get the idea. The Bible says that the old distinctions of nationality and ethnic background are null and void in Jesus. We are part of something BIGGER that God is doing WORLDWIDE!

usa-1439915_1920 Thumping our chests and proclaiming: “USA, USA, USA!” ignores that our God is the same around the world. It places too great an emphasis on our affiliation with the country and ignores our spiritual connection to the global Church.

Finally: I’m sick and tired of Christians who proclaim: “I’m proud to be an American!” Really? What did you do to achieve it? I didn’t do anything. I happened to be born here, so my citizenship was automatic. There’s nothing to be proud of when you didn’t do anything to get it. I’m proud that I was able to graduate from school. I am proud when my children behave as shining examples out in public (I do try to teach them that). But those are things I work towards. I was fortunate enough to be born in San Diego County. I am THANKFUL that I am a citizen in a nation that allows me to worship God as I please. But proud? Not really. Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate our terminology.

When it’s all said and done I will celebrate the 4^th of July. We will remember the freedoms that we have and the price that was paid so that we might enjoy those freedoms. But keep it in perspective. Our national home is not our faith. America is not any more special than any other nation on earth. It’s not about “God Bless the USA.” It’s about, “God, let your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.” Make sure your priorities are right.

God doesn’t want to play second fiddle to the nation – any nation.

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