July 2013 – Page 2 – Chris Linzey

July 19, 2013January 28, 2018

Living as an Underdog

What do we call someone who is at a disadvantage and expected to lose? UNDERDOG! Underdogs are determined by outward appearances. Nothing about them says winner, and when you compare them to everyone else, it’s obvious that they don’t really stand a chance. One of the most famous underdog stories in the last few years was about a woman named Susan Boyle. Remember her?

She’s a little kooky. No one expects her to be a winner, and you can see it on their faces. Then she starts to sing, and the crowd goes wild! Well, there are spiritual underdogs, too. Sure, it’s easy to see the obvious spiritual winners: The Pope, Rick Warren, Billy Graham, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes. That’s what a spiritual winner looks like. God is obviously going to use and bless people like them. If we are really honest I think we all have areas and moments in life where we feel like underdogs. But Jesus comes along and, like he often does, shakes things up and offers up some shocking words about underdogs.

These verses come from a section of Jesus’ teaching commonly called “the beatitudes.” That’s an old-fashioned way for sayings how someone is “blessed” or “fortunate.” It’s hard to translate into modern English though. “Blessed” doesn’t quite cover it – it’s more like telling someone “congratulations” or “You are so fortunate!” When we understand this, a modern version of what Jesus is saying here could sound like this:

v.3 Congratulations when you’re at the end of your rope, when you’re a big fat zero and are on the verge of giving up hope! God welcomes you into His kingdom.

v. 4 Congratulations when you suffer loss and sorrow and there is no joy! God will comfort you.

v. 5 Congratulations when you are powerless with no chance of making anything of yourself! God is going to give you everything.

v. 6 Congratulations when the world is against you and there is no way to fight for what is right! God will give you justice in the end.

Do these seem like qualities of people we would envy? Is this person someone we would consider fortunate? When we see people like this we say, “Man, there’s just no chance. He’s toast – a loser. How could such a person be part of what God is doing?” But, Jesus radically changes our ideas of who and what is important in the kingdom of God. Let’s look at these a little more closely:

v.3 Congratulations when you’re at the end of your rope, when you’re a big fat zero and are on the verge of giving up hope! God welcomes you into His kingdom.

Has this been you? Is this you? Do you feel as though you’re at the end of your rope and on the verge of giving up? Do you need to be rescued from your life? When I was a college sophomore, I knew this really nice guy. Let’s just call him Joe. Joe was a quiet guy, intelligent, sense of humor, and seemed to have everything going for him. You know that you might look like you have everything together but inside there is an area where you know that you are at the end of yourself. One afternoon after class I walked into his room and Joe is sitting on the bunk facing the door. As I stepped into the room he said, “I need to tell you something.” Then he pulls up his sleeves and I see dozens of cuts on his forearms, and he tells me that he cuts himself and that he needs help. He was at the end of his rope, feeling like a zero, and on the verge of giving up hope. But Jesus says, “You are important, you are invited to be in relationship with me!”

v. 4 Congratulations when you suffer loss and sorrow and there is no joy! God will comfort you.

Those who mourn are helpless to change their situation. We mourn because of a loss that has already happened and we can do nothing to alter it. Often times those who mourn are those who find no cause for joy. What we can do wait on God for comfort, and Jesus promises that comfort will come. Psalm 30 declares that sorrow may remain for a night but joy comes in the morning! Take comfort, for joy will come again. In God’s kingdom we find comfort because God is in control, God gets the last word! Life may be full of sorrow here, but the big picture belongs to Him. Then Jesus says:

v. 5 Congratulations when you are powerless with no chance of making anything of yourself! God is going to give you everything.

In the OT there are two major themes: the Exodus (when Moses led Israel out of Egypt) and the Exile (where Israel was conquered and carried off by other nations and waited to return to their homeland). Both themes are about slaves and captives receiving promised land where God brings about a reversal and gives life where there was only suffering and death. Jesus is talking about the same thing, people who are powerless on their own, at the mercy of the powerful people around them who control them. How often do we feel like we are at the mercy of others – we have little control or power into what is happening to us. In the game of chess, the front row of pieces are called pawns. They are the smallest, weakest pieces that have little value and are quickly sacrificed in order to save the bigger, more important pieces. Have you ever felt like a pawn in someone else’s game of chess? Yet Jesus says God does not see us that way. In His view, the powerless are now regarded as fortunate because they are going to receive what they have had coming to them all along. The main point is not that God is going to reward those who exhibit the virtue of meekness, but that when God rules, the weak and powerless will receive what God wants them to have. Similarly, Jesus finishes up these four beatitudes by saying:

v. 6 Congratulations when the world is against you and there is no way to fight for what is right! God will give you justice in the end.

Sometimes we are so powerless that we are not even able to stand up for justice. Injustice abounds in this world, in our lives and the lives of people around us. People need rescuing. A few years ago there was a story in the news about a Tampa mom whose husband was deployed in Afghanistan. She had been abusive to her teenagers for a while and finally something snapped and she shot and killed her two kids. Where is the justice for those children? They needed to be rescued. Too many of us need to be rescued from injustice.

Underdogs are determined by outward appearances. People who are have no hope. People who have no joy. People who have no power. People who fight against the world and never know justice. These are not the kind of people the world looks at and says, “Here’s a winner!” But the words of Jesus reflect Isaiah 61:1-8:

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is on Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to the prisoners; 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of our God’s vengeance; to comfort all who mourn, 3 to provide for those who mourn in Zion; to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair. And they will be called righteous trees, planted by the LORD, to glorify Him.

Underdogs to the world, but Jesus speaks of a reversal of circumstances for those who are unfortunate. These are undesirable conditions that God will one day make right. There is a song by the band Third Day that talks about people who are living an underdog kind of life – broken and hurting people. And the simple answer for the underdog is this – “Cry Out to Jesus.”

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing, He’ll meet you wherever you are Cry out to Jesus, cry out to Jesus

Is this you? Are you an underdog today? Are you at the end of your rope? Do you feel like a big fat zero, or on the verge of giving up hope! Do you suffer loss and sorrow and have no joy! Are you powerless and at the mercy of other rulers and masters? Is the world is against you and you just can’t find justice? You are not alone. To all of us underdogs, Jesus says, “I welcome you to be with Me!” To the rest of you who feel on top of the world – look around. Jesus calls you to take care of the underdog. How will you help people find the rescue they need? As God has blessed you, now be a blessing to others.

July 18, 2013November 19, 2015

Top 5 Areas of Marriage Conflict and How to Manage

I teach a 9-week course on developing and maintaining healthy relationships. In the class we regularly do breakout groups of men and women to discuss a certain question or issue. In one of our classes we asked the men and women to split up and, as gender groups, identify their top 5 areas of marriage conflict. Like a couple other issues, both groups came up with the exact same list of conflict areas.

Any guess as to what they came up with?

In no particular order:

1. In-laws. Not everyone is blessed with wonderful, supportive, and caring in-laws the way I am. Some people have real conflict with their in-laws – conflict that results in fights, hurtful words, and even hurtful actions. One of the problems in dealing with difficult in-laws is that there is only so much you can do when it comes to other people’s behavior. In fact, you can’t do anything about their behavior. But you and your spouse don’t have to do anything with their behavior. What you CAN do is work on your responses to their behavior.

The Bible tells us that the marriage relationship is the beginning of a new family unity. While there are still ties to the old family, we are told that the man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife and the two become one. Simply put, your spouse becomes an extension of you! Now extend the logic – if your parents have a problem with your spouse then you should see it as though they have a problem with you (and vice versa). We need to be supportive of our spouses and “have their backs” even if it means coming against our own parents. If we take the Bible seriously about the unity within the marriage bond, then taking our spouse’s side against family is imperative. Too many “support” until conflict with the family occurs, then we quickly throw our spouses under the bus. Don’t fall into that trap.

Get your partner’s back.

2. Money Issues. Always a biggie, isn’t it? One word: BUDGET! It’s important for couples to sit down and work out a family budget together. Each one should have a voice and give input for what the budget should look like. This should happen every month. The more you do it together the easier it gets. Also, it is important that spouses do not keep financial secrets from each other. It’s not “my money” and “your money” but “our money.” Remember, the Bible prioritizes marriage as unity.

How we be united if we’re keeping parts of our lives from each other?

3. The Ex. Yikes. It seems that many people have a lot of problems with an ex. I’ve seen exes do some pretty crummy things. I’ve seen exes intentionally goad the new partner, pushing buttons and being an all-around jerk. My advice? Treat exes like online trolls (people who search for ways to stir up trouble) – all you can do is ignore them. If you engage then you take the bait and get caught in the trap. There is no good way to deal with a troll. They can’t be reasoned with. You can’t convince them of logic or fact. So ignore and walk away.

On a relational level think of the ex in a similar way to the in-laws. The new marriage is what is important. You ought to be supporting your partner above your ex. That person is not part of the unity any more. There might be kids involved. There might be shared property involved. It doesn’t matter. Marital unity is what matters.

Get each other’s backs, and leave the ex out of it.

4. Child Discipline. This one can bring up a lot of difficulties whether the kids are part of a two-parent household or if you’re in a blended family. The difficulty lies in the fact that we’re trying to get two adults to agree on the best course of action on how to raise and discipline other human beings. There’s no easy way to help to people come to agreement on the best way to raise kids. There are many different theories on the “best” ways. What I can say is that it’s possible for parents to find compromise. Each partner can up with a list of “non-negotiables” and a list of “preferables.” The preferable is where we strive to compromise (yes, that might mean giving in and letting your spouse win the day). This is not going to be a quick discussion, and there might be lots of give and take over the course of years of parenting. Don’t throw your hands up in the air and quit. No matter what, even in disagreement, always show a united front before the kids.

Stick with it and work together.

5. Score Keeping. This is sometimes called quid pro quo which means “this for that.” It really comes down to keeping a tally of who did what and using that tally to try to motivate our spouses to do something for us. Healthiest relationships don’t keep score (I did it this time – it’s your turn to do it now). In biblical marriages, each spouse seeks to serve the other no matter who did what or how many times he did it. If I really love my wife I should strive to meet her needs, whatever those needs may be. That means that sometimes I will be the one cleaning the bathroom several weeks in a row (even though I REALLY don’t like cleaning bathrooms). It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve done it. I will do my best to serve her. And she ought to have the same attitude towards meeting my needs and serving me. It’s mutual.

When this happens we can drop the score keeping and be confident in the fact that our spouses will do whatever they can to love and support us.

What do you think? Have you had personal experience in these areas of marital conflict? Would you add anything to the list?

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July 17, 2013February 26, 2016

No Cheap Sex

It seems that there is a general disregard for the power of marriage in our culture. With the divorce rate near 60% couples have a greater chance of splitting than they do going the distance. It absolutely breaks my heart when I see couples split. Of course there are a couple of legitimate reasons for couples splitting, but it’s still heartbreaking. God didn’t design us to be in temporary relationships. We were created to be part of a deep covenant; connected to our spouses in relationships that go far beyond any other relationship. But we don’t talk that way much. Certainly Hollywood doesn’t teach us about committed and enduring relationships. There must be a better way of doing things. I think God has set us up for success if we would just pay attention to what he tells us and learn to live it.

Here are five elements on the Bible’s perspective on the powerful bond we call marriage:

1. There’s no such thing as cheap sex. God says in the Old Testament, “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.” (Exodus 22:16) Wow! One night stands? No such-a-thing in God’s community. Can you imagine if we lived by this principle in our country? The bars would be empty every weekend. Your wingman wouldn’t be the guy who helps you land the girl – he would be the guy to remind you, “You take her home tonight you’re stuck with her EVERY night.” Cheap sex hurts people and does not breed lasting, intimate relationships. Cheap sex does not promote family and thus weakens the nation (I believe strong nations are built on strong families, but that’s a post for another day). Cheap sex is looking for the positive elements of relationship without the commitment and struggle all genuine relationships must endure. In short – it’s not God’s ideal.

2. Marriage is designed to be a lifelong commitment. The Apostle Paul writes, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wished….” (1 Corinthians 7:39) I do believe that Jesus and Paul do talk about some exceptions whereby they permit divorce, but God’s IDEAL is still clear – marriage is supposed to be an enduring commitment between a man and a woman.

3. Your spouse influences your life (whether or not you realize it!). I once read that we are a composite of the five people we spend the most time with. That’s simultaneously an interesting and scary thought. But the people we “do life” with end up being who we are like. It’s no wonder that the Bible cautions us to choosing spouses that will bring us closer to God rather than drive us away from God. “Shall we then…act treacherously against our God by marrying foreign women?” (Nehemiah 13:27). Or Paul: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers….” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Contrary to what some proclaim, these verses are not about racial purity. Even ancient Israel allowed foreigners to be part of the their community and God commanded justice towards them. No, the issue is about the gods that foreign people serve. People who serve different gods and have different spiritualities tend to pull us away from the One True God, Yahweh. This was Solomon’s downfall. The Bible actually doesn’t condemn his multiple wives. It condemns his choice of foreign women that led to worshipping false gods. The person we marry will end up influencing us, so choose wisely.

4. Marriage ought to be respected and honored and not taken too lightly. It’s a commitment and not something to fool around with. God tells us in the New Testament, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” (Hebrews 13:4) That certainly goes against the attitude of our day.

5. Marriage is not the same as merely cohabitating. Though there is no direct command regarding cohabitating, there is a story in the Gospel According to John in which Jesus encounters a women outside of a little town. She begins talking to him and tells Jesus that she has no husband. Jesus answers, “What you’ve said is true. You’ve had multiple husbands and the man you’re with now is not your husband. Yes, what you’ve said is true.” Jesus doesn’t see cohabitating on the same level as a committed, covenantal relationship established by marriage.

So where does that leave us? It leaves us with an incredibly high ideal. God’s ways set the standard for us, and we have fallen short. We need a radical change in our perspective – we need to align our behavior with God’s ideals. It can start today. It can start with you. Are you married? Start looking at your marriage through the God’s perspective. Are you single? Start looking at your dates and relationships from God’s point of view. Do you have kids? Start teaching them what God’s ideal is so that they grow up grounded with a biblical foundation for what they desire in marriage. We can change our perspective. The question is – do we want to?

How about you? What do you think about God’s ideal for marriage?

July 16, 2013

Learning How to Forgive

Now more than ever it seems that forgiveness is an area in which we all need improvement. Sometimes people do things to us intentionally to hurt or wound us. Other times the offense is not intended but damages nonetheless. When we are hurt our response is often to hold on to the grievance. It fuels our anger and animosity towards others. We often forget that we have the same ability and inclination to wound others. It’s easier to forgive our own sin and failure than to forgive others who wound us. This was part of the point of Jesus telling us to “remove the plank from our own eyes before trying to remove the speck from someone else’s eye.” We live in a “BUT THEY…” culture. Jesus says, “Forgive,” and we respond, “BUT THEY…!” We prefer the hurt over the healing and the forgiveness. We demand justice before we will even entertain the thought of forgiveness.

But the Bible doesn’t place any limitations or restrictions on forgiveness. There’s no tally we keep and, once we reach a certain point, refuse to extend forgiveness any more. Forgiveness is an attitude – something that can be extended even before the offender asks. It can be extended even if the offender NEVER asks. Jesus asked God to forgive his murderers, not because they deserved it, but because forgiveness is part of God’s character.

Real forgiveness, then, is what we ought to seek. Real forgiveness lets go of the right to get even or pursue justice and instead extends compassion and love. Real forgiveness is not deserved or earned – it is a gift from the one who is hurt to the one who does the hurting. The Apostle Paul writes: Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord (Romans 12:19). We can forgive and leave payment up to God. He frees us to love. Forgiveness fosters love. Refusing forgiveness fosters hate.

But we don’t forgive because it’s the nice thing to do. We forgive because it is God’s nature to forgive. As we seek to be faithful followers of Christ, we need to be letting his nature become our nature. Paul writes again, “Accept one another and forgive one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive” (Colossians 3:13). And again, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God forgave you in Christ” (Ephesians 4:32). Our forgiveness wasn’t earned. In fact, the Bible tells us that God showed us his love in that Christ died for us while we were sinners. We were broken and messed up and he chose to extend love and forgiveness.

It doesn’t end there. Extending or withholding forgiveness can affect our relationship with God. Jesus says, “If you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.” Tough words to live by, but I didn’t make them up. God calls us to live in forgiveness and reconciliation if we want to have a healthy and vibrant relationship with Him.

Ultimately, forgiveness brings freedom. It allows us to have healthy lives. It opens the door to reconciliation and makes for richer relationships. Our world is being torn apart by hate, hurt, and an unwillingness to forgive. As Christians we can set the example for the way God calls us to live – we can extend love and forgiveness, even when people don’t deserve it. It’s the only way forward.

How about you? Do you have any experience being forgiven by someone else even when you didn’t deserve it?

July 15, 2013April 28, 2015

Bad Things Happen to Good People

Karma’s a joke. It’s a joke we love to believe in, isn’t it? The whole premise of the best-selling book “The Secret” is that good things will come to you if you put out good things into the world (vibes, energy, whatever you want to call it).

I call it hogwash.

It doesn’t take any adult very long in this world to see that sometimes bad things happen to good people. Conversely, sometimes good things happen to bad people. There’s no promise that putting put positivity will return positivity to you. In fact, one of the questions the Old Testament wrestles with is how bad people can lead horrible lives and still have everything they want and go to the grave having had a fantastic life. It just isn’t fair.

I was having a conversation with a woman today who told me that she still believes that being a good person will ultimately result in good things happening because people are more likely to want to help you, like when you’re stopped on the side of the road with a flat tire. “HOLD ON,” I told her.

I agree with you that our behavior has the ability to influence how others respond to us. If people know that I am a decent and caring human being then there is a good chance that people will be decent and caring towards me. If I’m a real jerk then people will probably not be as inclined to help me. But that’s not karma. That’s interpersonal relationships. The side of the road analogy IS karma, and that’s garbage.

My goodness (or badness) is not going to influence a driver who passes me in my distress. I personally have no impact over a stranger driving by. Karma doesn’t work. But here’s the thing – a lot of people base their own behavior on this idea that do good and good happens. Do bad and bad things happen. I find this to be a very flawed view of ethics. In essence it says, “I will only behave appropriately because I believe that I will personally benefit from it at some point in time.”

This is no standard for ethical behavior. It is inconsistent, and the definition of “good behavior” subjectively changes from one person to another. There must be something more – some greater force that drives human behavior. This is where Christian faith steps up and says, “There IS a standard – God’s standard.” And every human behavior does have a consequence. We might not see consequences in this lifetime. We might have the good people suffer and the bad people succeed, but no one escapes the final reckoning. The Bible is clear that there will be a time when we all stand before God and give account of our lives.

I know many people who are going through difficult times right now. Some have relationship problems. Some have financial problems. Some have other problems. Just because you are a good person doesn’t mean you will have a good and easy life. So then what drives us to be good people?

It should be our relationship with God. In the Bible he tells us that he wants us to imitate him: his character and behavior. If I live out what I say I believe then I will be trying to make God’s character my character. This is the only foundation of ethical behavior that will hold fast no matter what circumstances might come our way. In the good times I strive to act like him. In the bad times I strive to act like him. Those ethics are constant in an ever changing world.

No matter how good you are you are not promised good things. Jesus, the best human, still had bad things happen to him. It’s not about karma. It’s about living up to the character and calling God gives us. So kick karma goodbye. Say adios, sayonara, or use whatever language you like. But the secret to The Secret is that there is no secret. We are good because God asks us to be, not because we want good things to happen to us.

How about you? Do you struggle with letting go of the idea of karma?

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July 14, 2013July 12, 2016

Reflections on Racism From a Mixed-Race Couple

In the still-festering mess of the Ferguson ordeal, I thought it was appropriate to bring back a post we wrote after the Zimmerman ordeal not too long ago…

You have to live under a rock to have missed the verdict from the George Zimmerman trial.

This post is NOT about the trial or the verdict, but about an issue that this debacle brought up: racial profiling. While I am not an expert on race relations or sociology, I am a white man who is married to a black woman, and we tend to take issues concerning race relations personally. For that reason, I’ve asked my wife to co-author this post with me. We do understand that this is a volatile issue and want to be sensitive, but race needs to be talked about.

We still live in a racist nation. Skin color and ethnic background play a huge role in personal identity and separating ourselves from others who are different. Just take a quick look at some Twitter posts or the comments section under news articles about the Zimmerman verdict and you will see an overwhelming number of hateful remarks towards people with different ethnicities. There is racism on both sides – it’s not a one-way street.

We have experienced American racism ourselves. While visiting family in Salt Lake City, Utah (a predominantly white area), we went out to the mall. We drew stares and odd looks from people while walking in public holding hands. It was palpable. At one point we passed another mixed race couple (a black man and white woman). We made eye contact and there was a nod of greeting and a look that passed between us of understanding, of solidarity. as if to say, “We understand.”

While the Bible calls us to live in harmony and that, in Christ Jesus, all old ethnic markers don’t matter, we have yet to really live as though there is no longer Jew or Gentile, Black or White, Latino or Asian. We hold to our ethnic identity more than we do our spiritual identity.

And so we’ll hit our theme: Racial Profiling

Chris:

Profiling is a normal part of how the human brain works to process and interpret information. This is not just about race but is true in other areas of life. When we see something or someone our brain compares it to past examples or experiences and then classifies that new thing or person based on what is already up in the old noodle. OF COURSE we are more than the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the way we smell or the way sound. But we are sensory people and someone’s experience of me is going to be based on their senses and the memories connected to those senses.

Is it right to judge someone in this way? No, it is not. But it’s a trait common to humanity. Seeing someone in skinny jeans messy hair carries associations in my head. The same with seeing someone in a coat and tie. People have made an issue out of Zimmerman profiling Martin because of his skin color and clothing. Even if subconscious, I think Zimmerman would have seen Martin and made certain associations based on appearance. Hear me out – I don’t think that profiling is a valid excuse for treating people poorly, but it helps us understand that we’re all in the same boat.

A real-life example: listen to black comedians imitate white people. They frequently use a nasal tone when impersonating whites. Do all whites sound like that? No, we don’t, but there are mental associations based on sensory memory. The problem is when we allow sensory memory to influence how well or how poorly we treat others. Then we’re judging the book by its cover and never really opening the book to see what it has to say.

It’s hard because it’s normal, but racism will never die as long as we are permitting our senses to dictate who and what a person is like before actually experiencing what a person is like.

Tené:

FACT: Simply because of the shade of my skin in some situations I am considered a less valuable/trustworthy customer, colleague, group member, participant, professional, driver…. I am treated differently. I look different, so I am labeled as “other than” and frequently for people of color that label silently morphs into “less than.” This less worthy mentality allows us to value people differently.

I am reminded of the recent deluge of racist tweets over the Hunger Games movie when a fan of the books admitted that they were less sad about a character’s death and did not want to see the movie once they learned that a beloved character did not, in fact, have blond hair and blue eyes but had “dark-brown” skin (she was a person of color).

And so, after all these years, we are still here. A persons’ value, and the value of his life, is determined by the amount brownness in their skin. What is really shocking is that, although fans had gotten to know her as and love her as a character, those feelings quickly turned to disgust when her skin tone was changed on them. If people can turn on a beloved fictional character at the drop of a hat I wonder about how horribly people with this mindset could treat someone that they do not know or care about? That doesn’t even take into account hair, dress, manner of speaking, gait, etc….

Sure, all of us project an image, but that image should never prevent us from being treated without decency, common courtesy, and (dare I even say it)…respect. The question for us as Christians should not be “What are others projecting?” but “Who are we reflecting?” Is Jesus seen in how we treat others? A person’s clothing, skin, smell, or other appearance should not matter to me as much as faith that we share.

Back to Chris:

Unfortunately we live in a world where we look at appearances and make judgments long before we get to know people. It’s part of how we’re wired. Even my wife buys into it (without realizing it) and tells me I need to shave before church events because the clean-shaven look projects a different image than a scruffy pastor!

IN DEALING WITH OURSELVES: On a practical level, then, we do project an image – an idea – of ourselves to people long before people actually get to know us. I’m not saying that you should care about what other people think, but I do believe that we ought to think about what we want to say about ourselves through sensory experiences. What does my dress communicate about me? How about my scent? What about shaving or being scruffy? It is not important to who I AM, but these things do interact with other people’s sensory memory.

IN DEALING WITH OTHERS: On a practical level, keep in mind that what you see with people is not necessarily what you get. We are complex human beings, far more complicated than a rash judgment can accommodate. Trayvon Martin was more than a black man in a hoodie, and reducing him to that does injustice to the complexity of life. Conversely, George Zimmerman is more complicated than the man many are portraying him to be. Life is not so simple.

The country is fighting racism that goes a long way back. Things probably won’t change until Jesus comes back. But we can all do our part to make it a better place.

Don’t settle for cookie-cutter answers and snap judgments.

What do you think? Please feel free to engage in debate from either side. I do ask that you keep it civil and polite no matter how heated you may feel….

Follow @chrislinzey

July 13, 2013May 26, 2014

Why This Soldier Will Never Shoot

I’m a Soldier in the United States Army Reserve. More specifically, I’m a Chaplain (Captain). What a lot of people don’t know about Chaplains is that we are classified as “non-combatants”. That means I’m not a war-fighter. I would be more like a combat-multiplier. I take care of Soldiers so that Soldiers can take care of the Nation.

But my non-combatant status goes beyond warfare. There is a policy from the Chief of Chaplains (the top dog of Chaplains) instructing Chaplains that, as Chaplains, we are not to be firing weapons even in training situations. that was a real bummer for today.

I was at the weapons range with the Battalion Staff. They were qualifying on the rifle and on the sidearm. At one point, the Detachment Commander came over and told me, “Chaplain, if you want to shoot we have the extra ammo and weapon for you” (he did not know about the Chief of Chaplain’s policy). Man, what an offer! I mean, really, who would have known if I had done it? I’m just a junior Chaplain in one Battalion in the whole Army (which has thousands of Chaplains).

But I didn’t shoot. I kindly thanked him and explained the policy and said that I would love to shoot but won’t do it on duty (there is no prohibition from owning or firing weapons for Chaplains when not on duty).

Let me explain why I didn’t shoot:

1) You never know who is watching. These days it seems like everyone has a smartphone with a camera. I can just see someone pulling out a camera to take a picture of the Chaplain “shooting with the troops.” Then the picture would wind up on Facebook and, before you know it, I’m getting a call from a senior Chaplain asking what on earth I was thinking. Aye, carumba.

Once I was walking through Wal-Mart doing some regular grocery shopping when I saw a church member. She was at the end of her aisle picking up a case of beer to put into her cart. I approached her and said hello in a very friendly way. She became flustered and quickly started to explain to me that she was merely buying the beer for her husband and not for herself. She was so embarrassed to be seen by her pastor. You never know when people will see your public behavior!

**SIDE NOTE**

The Bible does not say that buying or drinking alcohol is a sin – just that drunkenness is a sin. I told this dear lady that it didn’t matter to me if she was buying the beer for her husband or herself. It didn’t change what I thought of her or how I would treat her. Back to the topic….

2) Our behavior has consequences that might not be apparent immediately to us. Imagine if I had decided to shoot and some Soldiers who DID know about the policy prohibiting Chaplains from shooting saw me willfully act against the policy. In an instant I would lose credibility as a Chaplain and leader. The one who is supposed to be a spiritual leader breaks rules whenever it pleases him? And when ministers lose credibility it adversely affects our ability to reach people. You might not see how your behavior influences others, but people see what you do. Live in such a way to build credibility – not destroy it.

3) Even if nobody had EVER seen me break policy (which I haven’t, remember), God would have known. I know, I know – it’s almost trite and cliché to say, “God sees you.” But it’s true.

I don’t say that in an attempt to put guilt or fear into people. It is a positive thing. In the Old Testament when Hagar is going through a real rough spot in life she cries out to God asking for deliverance and says, You are the God who sees me.” He sees and he cares. It is a wonderful thing that God sees us and cares for us. But it is a fearful thing because nothing is hidden from him.

There’s a children’s song I learned a long time ago that says, “Be careful little feet where you go. Oh be careful little feet where you go. For the Father up above is looking down with love so be careful little feet where you go.” At some point God will judge the living and the dead and all of our actions will be accounted for. He knows what we do, it doesn’t matter if we take our secrets to the grave.

So I will never shoot a weapon as a Soldier. I’m okay with that. It’s part of being a member of the organization and following orders. I will never willfully disobey lawful orders. It would damage my credibility and my potential to minister to Soldiers.

As Christians let us remember that our behavior matters. People see us. And, even if they don’t, God does. One day we will be held accountable.

How about you? Ever been “caught” doing something when you thought no one was looking?

Follow @chrislinzey

July 12, 2013July 12, 2013

Robin Hood Lives: Taking Care Of Others

Did you see this?

It seems that there is a real life Robin Hood roaming the streets of Jackson, Mississippi. He robs from the city to give back to the citizens. Well, he doesn’t say it’s “robbing”, per se. He takes city asphalt and goes around town repairing potholes that the city has been slow to repair. Now the authorities are trying to decide if there has been a criminal act involved.

I’m not going to judge his actions as righteous or villainous, but I do think that his behavior illustrates a biblical point:

People are supposed to be proactive in helping others.

Seems really simple, really. God has called us to be a force of good in the world. Not just hypothetical good. Not just pleasant people to be around. God has called us to proactively help others with whom we come into contact. It seems that most of the western world (even atheists, pagans, and all other religions combined) is familiar with the “Golden Rule.” Even people who do not know the origin of the rule can still recite it (in essence, at any rate).

The writers of the New Testament continued the theme of serving the needs of humanity. James writes that it’s completely worthless to see someone in need and merely say, “Go in peace, be warm and filled,” but never lift a finger to help meet their needs. John’s first letter makes a similar point that love requires more than words – love must be backed by action.

It is much too easy to tell people that we care about them without any amount of follow-through. Sometimes our culture seems to promote this. We ask each other how things are going without any real concern for the answer to come. What would we do if people answered, “I’m really struggling today because I’m dealing with….” Would we step up and see how we could bring assistance? Or would we feel awkward and uncomfortable with the idea that the other has broached conversational etiquette by demanding that we care? It is a trap that many of us – even the best intentioned – fall into from time to time. So this isn’t about saying, “Shame on us!” It’s really about saying, “See how far we’ve come from existing in communities of people who stick up for each other, care for each other, and seek the physical well-being and wholeness of our brother and sister.”

So here’s a challenge: the next time you ask someone how they are doing pause and REALLY listen to the answer. If they don’t want to become vulnerable that’s okay – don’t push it. But if people actually do open up to you and you see the needs of others don’t feel awkward. Ask yourself how you can be a resource to bring relief to a troubled person.

So what about our modern day Robin Hood? Who knows. He might be prosecuted. He might be given a warning not to do it again. Whatever the outcome of his particular case I commend people who step up, take initiative, and try to solve problems rather than merely bemoan the troubles.

Step up. Be a problem solver. Show your love and care for humanity by working to make things better. You’ll never know how you might bless someone else.

How about you? Have you been the recipient of a Robin Hood or a caring person? Care to share about it?

July 10, 2013December 3, 2013

Why You Need to Leave the President Alone

I saw an interesting “news” article today. President Obama likes broccoli. I knew there was something up with that guy. I mean, who admits that his favorite food is broccoli?!? Icecream, sure. Lasagna, I can go with that. Nachos Supreme, definitely. But broccoli? C’mon!

Actually, like many of you, I don’t consider this to be newsworthy. Not.at.all. But there it was on my homepage – daring me to click the link and find out why there is any hoopla about the president and his veggies. It seems that there’s a little waffling when it comes to his food choices (I’m killing myself here – I hope you appreciate puns as much as I do). The president has mentioned how great pizza night is in the West Wing. Now he’s trying to push broccoli just because he’s at a healthy eating event? How DARE he (how many exclamation points and question marks do I need to adequately express outrage in print?)?!?!?

Hang with me here…I’m stretching…but nope, still not news worthy. And yet…sigh…it’s on the news, all over Twitter, and who knows where else. Which brings me to today’s point: it’s time to leave the President alone.

Obviously I’m gearing this towards anti-Obama-ites (is that a thing?). But bear with me. I’m writing as a registered Republican who really wanted Mike Huckabee to be POTUS. I’m not what you would call an Obama supporter. I disagree with some of his major points of view.

But here’s the thing – I’m sick and tired of the vitriol being spewed from those who oppose him. Republicans, Tea Party Hooligans, Independents, Right Wing Democrats, whoever…. The man gets a lot of hate pushed his way from radio, television, Twitter, Facebook, and every corner where you might find an angry conservative.

Stop it.

Stop sharing the memes denigrating him, his ethnicity, his policies, and everything else. It’s not Christian. There, I said it. It isn’t godly to keep the insults and put-downs going around.

The Bible tells us that we are to be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor or to governors. No, I’m not calling the President an emperor, so stop with the accusations of empire and dictatorship. The principle from the Bible is that Christians are good people who submit to authorities over us and treat people with honor and respect. That even applies to national leaders that we may dislike or disagree with.

I’m not asking to agree with his policies. I don’t. Our national government has given us a proper outlet for voicing opposition through the ballot box, petitions, and other lawful means to let our dissent be heard. Personal attacks are not part of God’s agenda for healthy Christian behavior.

So please, no more anti-Obama memes. No more name-calling. No more hateful ranting. If you consider yourself to be a person of faith it is time to knock it off. And don’t worry – the next time there is a conservative person in office I’ll be telling the Left Wing folks the same thing.

What do you think? Have you seen anti-government sentiment go too far? Where do you think Christians should draw the line?

July 9, 2013December 30, 2014

8 Things Every Husband Needs to Do

If you’ve read any of my blogs about marriage and relationships you will know that I believe the Bible calls us to live in mutually submissive and mutually controlling relationships. I am not my own, but I belong to my wife. She belongs to me. I need to submit to my wife’s needs, wants, and desires. She needs to submit to mine. I believe the God calls us to this kind of mutuality. Understanding that groundwork, some of my posts on marriage and relationships will cover biblical principles without expressly quoting the Bible chapter and verse. Like today’s post.

In the 9-week marriage class I teach we split the men and women into gender breakout groups to discuss questions and issues. In one session I asked the women to identify 8 things their husbands do that they greatly appreciate. Here is there list:

He pitches in around the house and with the kids – it seems that women don’t want to be the only caregiver and maid in the house. Men, this is our chance to step up and take ownership of the household. Stop passing the buck and figure out how you can be an active participant in running the family. One good method is to list out every task common to households (there are probably about 30-40 regular tasks) and split them up. Volunteer and say, “These 15 that you are already doing I will take off your hands.”
He takes good care of me when I am sick – it is a great feeling to be cared for when you are under the weather. And let’s face it: women tend to be better care-givers than men. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Next time your woman is sick don’t complain about how you have to pick up the slack. Force her to go lie down and volunteer to make dinner, bathe the kids, read bedtime stories, and whatever else she normally does ALL THE TIME anyway.
He takes care of the kids without complaining – whether you fathered them or are a blended family, BE A FATHER to the kids in the house.
He asks what I need to be content and happy – I’ve heard it jokingly said that “Happy wife = Happy life” but IT’S TRUE! Your life will never be happier as when your spouse is happy. Care for her. Nurture her. Find out what her happiness requires and then pursue it diligently. When she knows that you care about her happiness it frees her to think about yours (you both win!).
He helps me with my job/career – your wife has dreams, ambitions, and goals in her life. Don’t think that she’s a bump on a log. Assist (as much as you are able) in helping her realize success in her career.
He does things without me having to ask him to – seriously, take initiative. She doesn’t want to be your momma. She wants to be your partner.
He helps get the kids off to school – SEE NUMBER 3
He has a good sense of humor – Everyone loves to laugh. We bond with people over laughter. If you and your wife find ways to laugh together it will help cement your relationship.