If you have a sensitivity to coarse language you may want to skip this post…
So the other day I played a little game with some friends. I asked a group of people to help me come up with as many Christian swear alternatives as we could (those are words Christians use when we feel a need to swear but don’t feel comfortable using any of the words the world uses).
Keep in mind that Christians have different standards of what is or is not acceptable. But here is the list we came up with.
- **#%%#*#&#*
- Fahrvergnügen
- mother frito
- Shazbot!
- CHEEZ IT!
- Jeepers!
- Jinkies!
- Zoinks!
- cheese and crackers.
- “crumb” instead of “crap”, for the very conservative 🙂
- oh my word, oh my stars
- Gadzooks!
- crappydoodle
- Holy Canoli!
- Horse feathers!!
- Crapola
- oh my Gosh!
- Cat Hair
- Shut the front door!
- Well I’ll be dipped in buttermilk
- Ticked Off!
- Razz ma-tazz!
- Freak
- Frickin’
- Frickin’ A.
- Jumpin’ Jehosaphat!
- Good gravy
- D’OH!
- fudge ripple
- GOOD GOSH!
- FUZZY MUFFINS!
- son of a biscuit
- He’s full of shiitake mushrooms!
- Goshdarnit
- What the frick?
- sugar
- shoot.
- Crap
- fudge
- snap
- darn it
- good grief
- Goshdarnit
- Holy Schnike
- oy vey
- garbanzo
- crud
- durn
- darn
- poodledoo
- shut the front door
- fiddlesticks
- fiddledeedee
- Bob Saggett
- What in the blue bless?!
- Oh. My. Cow
- Jeez Louise
- Jesus, Mary & Joseph.
- Poodle-fruiter!
- dad-gummit!
- SUGAR MONKEY FUNKY BUTTS!
- gee whiz…
- ska-douche!
- Sugary pops
- Peas and Rice!
- Dag nab it!
- Fudge Buckets!
- That sucks!
Goodness! That’s a long list. Every once in a while I’ll get someone who asks me a question about what the Bible says about swearing/cursing/profanity. The truth is that the Bible doesn’t say a whole lot about it.
There are two verses in the Bible that most Christians use to justify a no-profanity position.
Exodus 20:7 – You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain…
Ephesians 4:29 – let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.
While these are great verses, neither one is talking about profanity. In Exodus God is commanding the Israelites not to use his name lightly. There is a little bit of ambiguity here, because the Bible never says exactly what it means to take God’s name lightly. It could mean not to use the name casually. It could mean not to use the name to back up your promises (swear to God…). There is no general prohibition here on profanity.
The Ephesians verse seems compelling at a cursory look, but Paul isn’t talking about profanity. In Ephesians he’s talking about not lying, speaking truth, not sinning in our anger, and building people up. In the context of the passage it would seem that “unwholesome talk” is not profanity but is language that seeks to hurt or damage others. The Greek word can literally be translated as “trash.” It’s like Paul is saying, “Don’t engage in trash talk against each other. Use your words to build each other up.”
On top of the lack of biblical direction against foul language we run into the problem of the fluidity of language. That is to say, language changes. What words mean now could be very different from what they meant 300 years ago. So which culture and era do we use as the standard for acceptable and non-acceptable words?
I grew up in a conservative home, where there were very few acceptable alternatives for swearing. I have a very clear memory of the first time I EVER used the expression, “Man, that’s screwed up!” I felt like such a rebel. In our home “sucks” was not an acceptable word. 
But I remember the first time my mother was so upset about something she declared, “Well that…that just SUCKS!” She doesn’t use it regularly, but she needed to express the depth of her emotion and used that phrase to do it.
In the end it is another case of Christian liberty. If God’s Spirit is convicting you and telling you not to use certain words – DON’T! If you have freedom in Christ to use certain words – FEEL FREE! We just need to make sure that we’re not imposing our freedom (or lack of freedom) on others.
In the end, it is always better to err on the side of caution. Even if I’m free to use words it doesn’t mean that I should flaunt my freedom in front of others. Out of respect for people I can choose to change my language to fit the circumstance.
That’s the Christian thing to do.
And it doesn’t suck.
Chris Linzey 
That’s some good stuff, man. I’m thinking of digging more into this topic on my own blog, so that should be fun.
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I look forward to it!
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We do get creative, don’t we! In the spirit of the Sermon on the Mount, we might want to consider the attitude behind our word and actions. You have heard it said . . . but I say to you . . .
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Actually I use 58 regularly, but generally when’ flabbergasted or disgusted and in the manner of “Jesus, Mary and Joseph give me strength not to punch this person in the throat” or “JMJ (okay so me abbreviating it might be bad….and yes I will literally say J M J) please save the population of the world from itself. Which, in my opinion would be prayer, not a no no.
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WHAT THE WHAT!! I am under the impression that swear words (even replacements) are about the attitude with which they are used. (exclaimation) people its not about the word used its about the heart. I seem to remember something about out of the heart the mouth speaks. Maybe its the Marine in me but nothing replaces a perfectly timed “F” bomb.
That being said depending on the audience words are appropriate here and not there.
I have heard the arguement made “oh my goodness” or “oh my gosh” is still using the LORDs name in vain. because the intent is to say “oh my GOD” and it follows with the above logic. not sure I agree with the reasoning but though I would mention it.
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I agree that the heart is the issue rather than the specific vocabulary. 🙂
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Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
There’s a lot I’ve never, ever heard. #58 is a no-no, and should not be on the list.
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I didn’t give restrictions when i asked people. 🙂
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The one I use enough or maybe too much…” I don’t give a flying noodle what you do”! Unfortunately it is in the attitude in how you use it. 😉 bowing my head and walking away now…..
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True – any words can reveal a sour heart. But the idea of flying noodles does make me smile 🙂
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Have you ever heard some people say that “Oh my God!” is inappropriate? I usually say “gosh” or “goodness” instead of God, but when someone says God, it grates on me somehow.
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I’ve heard that. I’m not calling it a salvation issue, so if someone’s conscience allows them to I won’t judge. 🙂
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Good point. 🙂
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Thx 🙂
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I typically would get too close to the F word, which made me feel like I was cussing, so it came with satisfaction AND guilt. “Foot” and “Eff” were (and sometimes still are) my favorites.
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Satisfaction AND guilt ~ that’s the Christian way! 😉 Total honesty here, in the last year or two (really don’t know how it started) I’ve picked up, “God, Almighty!” I wrestle with it. Is it against Ex. 20 or is it acceptable? Right now I’m not convicted – but my wife is! So I’m trying to curtail it when I’m around people.
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Yeah, I catch myself saying “Lord, Almighty” now and then. I don’t think it’s right, so I’m trying to break that before it becomes a habit.
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Good call. You know how hard habits can be to break 🙂
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