So a friend and his wife just welcomed their first child to the world. What an exciting time! I vividly remember our firstborn arriving. I nearly passed out. At one point of the delivery I had more nurses attending to me than were attending to the lady in labor!
In honor of my friend’s new parenthood I enlisted the help of some friends to come up with a list of “best” parenting tips we could think of. I mean, real life stuff that no parenting book or manual could ever teach you unless you go through the experience yourself – the kind of stuff everyone SHOULD know but never talks about.
Here are some of the gems we came up with:
– In the event of a monster diaper blowout, the garden hose is an acceptable alternative to the bath for cleaning baby
– When baby is teething the best thing for him to chew on is a frozen Snickers bar (ignore the studies on infant diabetes)
– You can save money on washcloths and paper towels by letting the dog clean baby’s face.
– Use of Velcro on baby and wall is acceptable method of watching baby
– The television is a TERRIFIC babysitter when you and the Mrs. need some alone time.
– Use Bynadryl & Nyquil to teach the child how to take communion. You might even want to take some, yourself.
– Chicken wire is a great way to rope off a play area.
– Place vegetables on the floor when the child learns to crawl. They are more likely to be eaten there
– When the baby won’t stop crying, if you will cry even louder it will teach them how annoying it is.
– If the kid wants ice cream for breakfast, give him ice cream. Life is short; don’t deny him anything.
– Buy the healthiest cat or dog food you can because when baby finds that bowl…
– You can save money on formula and juice by letting baby drink straight from the bathtub.
– Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
Please recognize that these are jokes – don’t get all huffy about mistreating infants.
In all seriousness, caring for kids is a great responsibility. It doesn’t matter if you’re parent, uncle, aunt, or family friend – whenever we have an opportunity to contribute to the well-being of a child it is an honor and a weight.
The Bible talks about training children from the time they are young. When we do our jobs as caretakers we give kids the best chance possible for a happy, healthy, and productive life.
Never take your role for granted.
Step up to the plate and do right by that kid.
How about you? What “best” tips would you add to the list? 🙂
Chris Linzey 
lol
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